It’s not easy being the new doc on the wards. This time around seems more frustrating than the transition from fellow to attending, even though that transition was fraught with worry as I had inadvertently found myself in a solo practice.
I had become comfortable in my surroundings. I knew the way the hospital worked. I knew who to talk to to get things done and more importantly how to talk to them. I knew which nurses and physicians I could trust and whose assessments and phone calls I had to take with a grain of salt. Furthermore, I had worked hard and garnered respect. In addition, I had power in the role of department chief and director of antimicrobial stewardship to create policies and make sure they were followed. You could say I was on my way to running a tight ship where my octopus tentacles had a role in everything that remotely affected infectious disease matters. In this little empire, I could maintain academic quality despite being in a community hospital by making sure these policies and our clinical recommendations were based on sound current evidence. I enjoyed it. When I was allowed to concentrate on just that, that was career satisfaction in the making. I only now realize how unique my previous position was and how different private practice truly is.
My previous hospital had a good thing going on in terms of its infectious disease department, and yes, I will take credit for that. It helped immensely that it’s pharmacy and infection control departments worked closely together superbly. I constantly have to remind myself now that though I was not satisfied with all the demands upon me that I felt were outside of my realm, such as pediatric consultations, the main reason for my move was social. I needed to be in a cosmopolitan setting so that life was not just about work.
Figuratively speaking, I have now found myself in a new country that has a different lingua franca and a different form of government. Furthermore, my party is not in power. I am not invited to be on the advisory panel. The buck definitely does not stop with me. Ironically, this is partly what I sought. But it’s hard now to just be little fish getting in people’s way.
Being new to a hospital is not easy. It’s frustrating having to hunt down paper on which to write my notes. Frustrating to actually have to write out every detail of my note and not have a template to work off. Frustrating to spend precious minutes hunting down a clipboard of vitals in the intensive care unit only to find that no vitals have been charted. Frustrating to have to hunt for an isolation stethoscope for a patient in contact precautions. Mindbogglingly frustrating to walk down the hall to find a sink to wash my hands in after seeing a patient in contact enteric precautions. Frustrating, because I can’t just walk up to someone in administration and say “this must change”. Frustrating, because I’m not a hospital employee. I’m just an independent contractor coming in to see patients and jutting out as soon as possible to move on to the next hospital.
But, I remind myself, the goal of this move is to not make my life about work. This year is all about my well-being. So I just need to take a deep breath and go with the flow. I’m not here to make policy changes. I’m here to see patients and bill, bill, bill then go home, forget about them, collect my salary, and live my life. Some say I have regressed in my career, going from director to junior associate. I say I have given myself an opportunity to advance in leaps and bounds in what truly matters – living and experiencing life.
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